2009
ENGLISH October 1, 2009
THE DAILY BLIZZARD
Yesterday we didn’t have the daily blizzard because most of the editors were at the Antarctian Relay. At first the last years winner Joe Butnik was in the lead. But one of the new racers was catching up, it was Jeff Feathers, from his hometown Coldville. Soon they were neck and neck waddling to their chicks. They regurgitated enough for the chick at the same time. Then they started waddling to the finish line. Jeff won by a feather. He had one single feather sticking out of his stomach. "Well I’m finally living up to my name." Said Jeff. "UGH YOU STUPID ANTARCTIANS YOU ARE ALL HOKN’s! (socks)" said a very angry tempered Joe Butnik. But the thing is, he didn’t say we were dirty socks.
Left; Jeff Feather in the relay.
The new iPod Touch for penguins is becoming a big hit in Antarctica. You can’t go anywhere without seeing one, its headphones attached to some teen-penguins ear. Even adult penguins have them. At only P199.99 these are wonderful Aurora-Day present for young penguins.
Ice-Tech an Antarctian electronics company is developing a new machine to make penguins fly. The are calling it a PLANE they don’t know what it should stand for but they’re working on it. The inventors of this invention are Orville and Wilbur Ice
The new iPod Touch for penguins is becoming a big hit in Antarctica. You can’t go anywhere without seeing one, its headphones attached to some teen-penguins ear. Even adult penguins have them. At only P199.99 these are wonderful Aurora-Day present for young penguins.
Ice-Tech an Antarctian electronics company is developing a new machine to make penguins fly. The are calling it a PLANE they don’t know what it should stand for but they’re working on it. The inventors of this invention are Orville and Wilbur Ice
Club Penguin?!
Apparently Disney(human million dollar corperation?) has made an online video game about penguins. Their assumptions on our daily lives are very incorrect. They believe we have pets called Puffles, even if they existed they wouldn’t be able to survive our dense enviornment. Also they think we are many colors when we are obviously black and white. This just shows another example of how crazy humans are.
Brought to you by the new Sunglasses!...
...For Penguins!
ENGLISH September 29, 2009
THE DAILY BLIZZARD
There is a large debate in South Pole City (Capital of Antarctica) whether chicks can only go 5 ft. from their parents. Many residents of Antarctica think it is necessary to prevent Skuas from eating chicks. Although some penguins think that it should be O.K. if the chick strays a little farther from their parents. The Antarctian congress are trying to decide to pass the law or deny it.
Left, Penguin Parent’s with their chick.
"Skua's egg and chick stealings are really upsetting me. My very first chick was stolen from a macaw and he was 6 ft. away from me. I didn’t reach my son in time. So I am sure that this law should be passed as soon as possible, so nobody will have a broken heart. No mother should have to suffer what I went through." Says Mrs. Slipson.
Sports:
The Antarctian Relay is this week! In this race, participants must first race to the ocean eat as much food as they can. Then they have to go to their hungry chick and regurgitate enough food for the chicks. If the Chick is still hungry the participant will be disqualified. After that they must waddle to the finish line. The winner gets P100.00.In this race is last years winner Joe Butnik. Former prisoner of a Russian zoo (and after that, needed much therapy). Also many determined racers have entered the race.Get your tickets now. There won’t be many left! Tickets are P35.00 each. All pebbles will be donated to the Feed The Chicks Program.
In Other News:
McDoogalds, a greasy fast-food restaurant recently requested permission from the Antarctian government to start distributing their food and setting up drive-throughs.The government, of course declined. "We don’t need your disgusting acne growth food." Said congress member Spencer Frost."We penguins unlike humans care about our health. Since we can’t do much exercise on land because of our short legs. So the result in accepting the offer would mean allot of fat pimple-faced penguins. P.S. Sorry if you have nightmares."
Antarctican National Anthem
We waddle,
Throughout the icy land,
We waddle,
With Pride,
And when we get
To the Ocean,
We DIIIIIVE for Antarctica!
"Skua's egg and chick stealings are really upsetting me. My very first chick was stolen from a macaw and he was 6 ft. away from me. I didn’t reach my son in time. So I am sure that this law should be passed as soon as possible, so nobody will have a broken heart. No mother should have to suffer what I went through." Says Mrs. Slipson.
Sports:
The Antarctian Relay is this week! In this race, participants must first race to the ocean eat as much food as they can. Then they have to go to their hungry chick and regurgitate enough food for the chicks. If the Chick is still hungry the participant will be disqualified. After that they must waddle to the finish line. The winner gets P100.00.In this race is last years winner Joe Butnik. Former prisoner of a Russian zoo (and after that, needed much therapy). Also many determined racers have entered the race.Get your tickets now. There won’t be many left! Tickets are P35.00 each. All pebbles will be donated to the Feed The Chicks Program.
In Other News:
McDoogalds, a greasy fast-food restaurant recently requested permission from the Antarctian government to start distributing their food and setting up drive-throughs.The government, of course declined. "We don’t need your disgusting acne growth food." Said congress member Spencer Frost."We penguins unlike humans care about our health. Since we can’t do much exercise on land because of our short legs. So the result in accepting the offer would mean allot of fat pimple-faced penguins. P.S. Sorry if you have nightmares."
Antarctican National Anthem
We waddle,
Throughout the icy land,
We waddle,
With Pride,
And when we get
To the Ocean,
We DIIIIIVE for Antarctica!
Brought to you by, Oven!
TIRED OF SITTING ON YOUR BUM
TRYING TO KEEP AN EGG WARM?
THE NEW
OVEN
KEEPS EGGS WARM!
TRYING TO KEEP AN EGG WARM?
THE NEW
OVEN
KEEPS EGGS WARM!
ENGLISH September 28, 2009
THE DAILY BLIZZARD
Ice prices are skyrocketing! Some say it doesn’t make sense because of the fact that in Antarctica there is ice everywhere. Although the Pen-gov. is trying to put a stop to it immediately. Their plan is to create government run Ice-care. Although most penguins aren’t to keen to the Idea.
Left, local Icicle City resident protests the idea
POACHER ON THE LOOSE!
The human poacher reportedly killed 3 local Penguins. The Penguins footprints along with the humans were found leading out to water. Two days after the Police found out from eyewitnesses that the "boat" (as humans call them) said in human: New York Zoo. Luckily an eyewitness studied the human writing system. The Police figured from this evidence that the penguins weren’t killed they were penguin-napped and are being sent to live in a prison where humans gaze at them all day. The Antarctian swat team are going to receive the pedestrians A.S.A.P. and are taking a professor with them to study these strange featherless creatures. The Professor will then be writing a textbook titled: Humans and their life-style.
SPORTS:
The Ice City Flippers are now #1 in the league of belly racing (M.L.B.R.). They earned this in a game between the Flippers, and the Black-Feathers at Skua Slope. The game was won by Slip Featherson when he came in first in an almost tied match. Luckily he had a very long beak. The coach of the Flippers says "I can already see them all holding up the Championship Ice Trophy."
REMEMBERING THE PAST:
In 1997 The very first book in the Harry Otter series was published in Antarctica, Harry Otter and the Humans Phone sold by the millions all over Antarctica. Author J.K. Snowling was surprised at how popular her books were becoming.
In Other News:
South Pole City Library is now open to the public!The new Library was opened september 27, 2009, and the ribbon was cut by President Barrack Snowbama. The Library has exactly 19,472 books of non-fiction, and 18,531 fiction books.All books can be checked out with an I.D. feather, for free. Late fees although will be 25 sP (small Pebbles) per day. If the books are lost the fee will be P20 (Large Pebbles). The books are sorted alphabetically by author.
POACHER ON THE LOOSE!
The human poacher reportedly killed 3 local Penguins. The Penguins footprints along with the humans were found leading out to water. Two days after the Police found out from eyewitnesses that the "boat" (as humans call them) said in human: New York Zoo. Luckily an eyewitness studied the human writing system. The Police figured from this evidence that the penguins weren’t killed they were penguin-napped and are being sent to live in a prison where humans gaze at them all day. The Antarctian swat team are going to receive the pedestrians A.S.A.P. and are taking a professor with them to study these strange featherless creatures. The Professor will then be writing a textbook titled: Humans and their life-style.
SPORTS:
The Ice City Flippers are now #1 in the league of belly racing (M.L.B.R.). They earned this in a game between the Flippers, and the Black-Feathers at Skua Slope. The game was won by Slip Featherson when he came in first in an almost tied match. Luckily he had a very long beak. The coach of the Flippers says "I can already see them all holding up the Championship Ice Trophy."
REMEMBERING THE PAST:
In 1997 The very first book in the Harry Otter series was published in Antarctica, Harry Otter and the Humans Phone sold by the millions all over Antarctica. Author J.K. Snowling was surprised at how popular her books were becoming.
In Other News:
South Pole City Library is now open to the public!The new Library was opened september 27, 2009, and the ribbon was cut by President Barrack Snowbama. The Library has exactly 19,472 books of non-fiction, and 18,531 fiction books.All books can be checked out with an I.D. feather, for free. Late fees although will be 25 sP (small Pebbles) per day. If the books are lost the fee will be P20 (Large Pebbles). The books are sorted alphabetically by author.
Brought to you by the new...
...Ipod Touch...
...For Penguins!
...For Penguins!