ENGLISH July 25, 2010
THE DAILY BLIZZARD
______________________SPECIAL-EDITION __________________
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It’s wintertime here in the South Pole. Light snowfall makes for a perfect day in Antarctica. Today is the start of the Annual Antarctian (Penguin) Ski Race! Young competitors all of different species, shapes, and sizes tonight will star at the opening ceremony, where Barrack Snowbama (Antarctian President) will watch the great race. During the opening ceremony all young competitors will slide down a slope, down into Iceberg Stadium, and be greeted by thousands of cheering fans (and mothers of the competitors)! Tickets have rapidly sold out, but you can still catch it live on A.S.P.N. Sports (Antarctian, Skiing Participation Network). Us at The Daily Blizzard Press will post the finallists and the winner on our website. Stay tuned.
Left: Ice P.I.L.O.H. Fans Routing For Their Teams The very first P.I.L.O.H. (Penguin International League O’ Hockey) season has begun! Thousands of fresh fans gathered in New Slip Stadium, to see the very first game between the Left Sided Reds, and the Right Sided Blues (Only two Teams). Many famous penguins such as author J.K. Snowling and Barrack Snowbama were watching in the stands. “Boy was in momentous, all the hot-makaws, and Ice-pops! The atmosphere was amazing! You’ve got to buy tickets to the next game!!!” states an excited Mason Beak, from The Daily Blizzard Reviews.
Terrified:
The “Hotheaded Naked Ice-Borer” is rumored to be back!!! Panic strikes Antarctians all over! This creature has come out of its hibernation. And it’s hungry… hungry for penguin souls. This repulsive monster has struck Antarctica once before in 1995. They have been said to be able to dig tunnels through the ice, and sneak up on an unlucky penguin otherwise known as the creatures LUNCH. These disgusting creatures hunt at night. Be warned fellow Antarctians, and stay close to the town “Waddle” or “Rookery” (Group, or nesting group). Many attacks have recently been reported. Antarctian citizens are being told to lock their doors, and windows. Also to run if you happen to smell… death. But as a wise man once said: Here’s a little song I wrote. Might want to sing it note for note. Don’t Worry. Be happy. Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeuuuuueeeeeeuuuuuwwwweeeeuwuooowuehooh etc.
The “Hotheaded Naked Ice-Borer” is rumored to be back!!! Panic strikes Antarctians all over! This creature has come out of its hibernation. And it’s hungry… hungry for penguin souls. This repulsive monster has struck Antarctica once before in 1995. They have been said to be able to dig tunnels through the ice, and sneak up on an unlucky penguin otherwise known as the creatures LUNCH. These disgusting creatures hunt at night. Be warned fellow Antarctians, and stay close to the town “Waddle” or “Rookery” (Group, or nesting group). Many attacks have recently been reported. Antarctian citizens are being told to lock their doors, and windows. Also to run if you happen to smell… death. But as a wise man once said: Here’s a little song I wrote. Might want to sing it note for note. Don’t Worry. Be happy. Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeuuuuueeeeeeuuuuuwwwweeeeuwuooowuehooh etc.
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Potatoes?... Alive?...:
Antarctian scientists have found a way to make imported potatoes living!!! They were plants before. But with the help and research done by ice-tech we penguins have been able to put faces, moustaches and eyes on these foreign vegetables. The first working specimen in this experiment was named experiment Chuk (this shows that penguins are cooler than humans. They would have named it 10020 or something!). Chuk (yes with a u-k, no 2nd c) lives out an ordinary genetically enhanced potato life. He has a genetically enhanced wife and two kids. The eyes mouth and other facial features were applied with gorilla glue, googly eyes, and permanent marker. The only problem is their speech. They’re vocal chords only allow them to speak potato. And nobody has bothered to learn that!!!...yet
New Math Problem?:
A new breakthrough in Math has occurred in Antarctica! Penguin mathematicians have figured out that 2+2=4!!!! Well they didn’t exactly figure it out. They found it while stealing information from a human 2nd grade classroom. In no time at all these scientists tested this theory. They got 4 Pebbles. Two on the left and two on the right. When put together and accurately counted with a calculator they discovered that this anomaly is true! “Well, maybe we should raid 2nd grade classrooms more often!” States an anominous mathematician who tested the theory.
Poacher On The Loose! Con.:
After 3 citizens of Antarctica were reported poached September 28, a witness discovered that they were taken away to a prison humans call “The Zoo”. This is not news to you penguins who haven’t been living in a cave the past few months. The Antarctian SWAT-Team has finally gotten enough funding to pay for human suits to disguise themselves, and avoid being detected. They are setting up base near the New York City “Zoo” so as to retrieve these kidnapped citizens, and transport them safely back to Antarctica. CAN THEY MAKE IT?! I dunno.
New P. (pebble) Issued Through Antarctica's Mint:
A new Pebble (Antarctian Money) has been issued through the Antarctica Mint. This Pebble will show an engraved picture of a Macaw with an arrow piercing it, and on the back a Penguin holding a bow… Peaceful enough (that my friend would be sarcasm). Politicians say it is making an important statement. But why bother declaring war against macaws? Most Penguins wouldn’t care. …But if a macaw spotted one of these…
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The Silence Of Cold War (literally):
It’s happened. Rockhoppers finnaly dicided to declare war against Emporers. What a sad time this is. When Penguins fight against themselves. Different species are taking sides. This war may just become Penguin War III. And we all know how I and II came out. Protesters are lining the streets. We’ve determined that these protesters are the true “hippies”. Not those posers who decided to start a war. Despite our polls on the internet, all stating “NO WAR!” it is univitable. So we ask: Who’s side are you routing for!!!... wait, would that be insensitive? …Nah! But you can vote on http://www.thedailyblizzard.weebly.com! We want to know!
It’s happened. Rockhoppers finnaly dicided to declare war against Emporers. What a sad time this is. When Penguins fight against themselves. Different species are taking sides. This war may just become Penguin War III. And we all know how I and II came out. Protesters are lining the streets. We’ve determined that these protesters are the true “hippies”. Not those posers who decided to start a war. Despite our polls on the internet, all stating “NO WAR!” it is univitable. So we ask: Who’s side are you routing for!!!... wait, would that be insensitive? …Nah! But you can vote on http://www.thedailyblizzard.weebly.com! We want to know!
Left: War Bond Posted Around Antarctica
The second coffee rush is beginning. In the last one the Antarctian government decided to make a law against coffee. Their reason was that penguins got addicted and went into caffeine high. It continues to be a law to this very day. However, currently penguins are illegally dealing these, after smuggling them into Antarctica. Right at this very moment the penguin CIA and police are planning a way to put a stop to this insanity. Any “coffee dealers” known will be arrested. If you have any information please contact the local authorities. And you’ll get a free coupon to Icy-To-Go! Along with a free “UNDERCOVER COP” pen! Save Antarctica! You can help. Tell your chicks about caffeine, and what it can do to you.
The second coffee rush is beginning. In the last one the Antarctian government decided to make a law against coffee. Their reason was that penguins got addicted and went into caffeine high. It continues to be a law to this very day. However, currently penguins are illegally dealing these, after smuggling them into Antarctica. Right at this very moment the penguin CIA and police are planning a way to put a stop to this insanity. Any “coffee dealers” known will be arrested. If you have any information please contact the local authorities. And you’ll get a free coupon to Icy-To-Go! Along with a free “UNDERCOVER COP” pen! Save Antarctica! You can help. Tell your chicks about caffeine, and what it can do to you.
New Video Game: ROCK HUNTER!:
I this exciting new video game (rated C for chick) you get to hunt rocks! The mastermind behind the game is absolutely sure that this game is going to be a smash hit! “Well, this game is definitely more chick-friendly than MACAW HUNTER 207. That game might convince our chicks to throw rocks at macaws! And that’s dangerous! I think this game is amazing. It captures the thrill of killing things, and won’t give our chicks bad ideas. 5 Stars!!!” states a mother (who by the sound of it is pretty PC).
Brought To You By: Musical Penguin Princess
“A touching romantic musical” –some lady
“I like kitty’s” – a random hobo
Coming to your home town soon!